{"id":1216,"date":"2026-03-22T15:03:53","date_gmt":"2026-03-22T15:03:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/newsvan.online\/?p=1216"},"modified":"2026-03-22T15:03:53","modified_gmt":"2026-03-22T15:03:53","slug":"%f0%9f%8e%acultima-hora-eeuu-da-inicio-a-la-gu-ver-mas-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newsvan.online\/?p=1216","title":{"rendered":"\ud83c\udfacUltima Hora EEUU da inicio a la gu\u2026 Ver m\u00e1s"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\ud83c\udfacUltima Hora EEUU da inicio a la gu\u2026 Ver m\u00e1s<\/h1>\n
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\ud83c\udfac\ud83d\udea8Ultima Hora EEUU da inicio a la gu\u2026 Ver m\u00e1s<\/h1>\n

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\u00a1PAREN LAS ROTATIVAS, SUELTEN EL TACO Y AG\u00c1RRENSE DE DONDE PUEDAN PORQUE ESTO NO ES UN SIMULACRO! \u00a1SE ACAB\u00d3 LA PAZ MUNDIAL, RAZA! \u00a1EL T\u00cdO SAM ACABA DE APRETAR EL BOT\u00d3N ROJO Y NOSOTROS ESTAMOS EN PRIMERA FILA PARA EL APOCALIPSIS!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a1LA NOTICIA QUE NADIE QUER\u00cdA LEER PERO QUE TODOS TEM\u00cdAMOS! EL MISTERIOSO Y ATERRADOR \u201cVER M\u00c1S\u201d QUE NOS DEJ\u00d3 CON EL JES\u00daS EN LA BOCA POR FIN REVELA SU SECRETO M\u00c1S OSCURO. \u00bfLA TERCERA GUERRA? \u00a1AG\u00c1RRATE COMADRE, PORQUE ESTO EST\u00c1 M\u00c1S FUERTE QUE UN TERREMOTO GRADO OCHO!<\/strong><\/p>\n

[REDACCI\u00d3N URGENTE \/ LA VERDAD INC\u00d3MODA MX \u2013 DESDE LAS TRINCHERAS DEL MIEDO]<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a1Ay, nanita! \u00a1Qu\u00e9 tranza, mi querida banda chilanga, norte\u00f1a, coste\u00f1a y de todo este M\u00e9xico m\u00e1gico que hoy amaneci\u00f3 con el susto de su vida!<\/p>\n

Seguramente a ustedes tambi\u00e9n les pas\u00f3. Estaban ah\u00ed, a punto de echarse la meme, o apenas despertando con la laga\u00f1a pegada, viendo el celular para ver qu\u00e9 memes nuevos hab\u00eda, cuando de repente\u2026 \u00a1ZAS, CULEBRA! El tel\u00e9fono vibr\u00f3 con esa intensidad que solo anuncia tragedias o cobranzas de Coppel. Y ah\u00ed estaba. Esa imagen maldita en el muro de noticias. Un soldado gringo armado hasta los dientes, con cara de pocos amigos, un fondo des\u00e9rtico que huele a p\u00f3lvora, y ese titular cortado, esas letras negras que parec\u00edan una sentencia de muerte para la humanidad:<\/p>\n

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\u201cUltima Hora EEUU da inicio a la gu\u2026 Ver m\u00e1s\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a1No mames, g\u00fcey! \u00a1Adm\u00edtelo! Sentiste el fr\u00edo recorrerte la espalda hasta salva sea la parte. El coraz\u00f3n se te subi\u00f3 a la garganta y pensaste lo mismo que millones de mexicanos al un\u00edsono: \u201c\u00bfGu\u2026 qu\u00e9? \u00bfGuerra? \u00bfGuamazos masivos? \u00bfGuerra termonuclear global que nos va a dejar como pollos rostizados?\u201d.La incertidumbre nos estaba matando a todos, carajo. Ese pinchurriento bot\u00f3n de \u201cVer m\u00e1s\u201d era la puerta al abismo. \u00bfLe pico o no le pico? Si le pico, \u00bfme voy a enterar de que ya vali\u00f3 madres todo? \u00bfO ser\u00e1 otro anuncio clickbait para venderme criptomonedas falsas?<\/p>\n

Pues ag\u00e1rrense, valedores, porque nosotros, aqu\u00ed en su portal de confianza, donde no le tenemos miedo ni al diablo (y a veces ni al SAT), S\u00cd le picamos a ese bot\u00f3n maldito. Nos arriesgamos a que nos cayera un virus ruso o a que el FBI nos rastreara la IP, todo para traerles la neta del planeta, al chile pel\u00f3n. Y d\u00e9jenme decirles, con un bolillo pal\u2019 susto en la mano, que la realidad que esconde ese \u201cVer m\u00e1s\u201d es MIL VECES M\u00c1S RETORCIDA, ESCANDALOSA Y PELIGROSA de lo que su mente paranoica imagin\u00f3.<\/p>\n

\u00a1Se acab\u00f3 el misterio! \u00a1Preparen sus mochilas de emergencia y junten agua, porque la neta del planeta est\u00e1 aqu\u00ed y quema!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\ud83c\udfacUltima Hora EEUU da inicio a la gu\u2026 Ver m\u00e1s \ud83c\udfac\ud83d\udea8Ultima Hora EEUU da inicio a la gu\u2026 Ver m\u00e1s \u00a1PAREN LAS ROTATIVAS, SUELTEN EL TACO Y AG\u00c1RRENSE DE DONDE … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":966,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n\ud83c\udfacUltima Hora EEUU da inicio a la gu\u2026 Ver m\u00e1s - News Van<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/newsvan.online\/?p=1216\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\ud83c\udfacUltima Hora EEUU da inicio a la gu\u2026 Ver m\u00e1s - 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